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Saturday, 22 March 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Monday, 31 July 2006

In reality-

I am a fairly childlike, joyful, abstract, and satisfied person.

I just need somewhere to vent sometimes. I am aware of and affected by both beauty and depravity... and it is usually difficult to blend simple joy with harsher realities in the world. But I will not be giving in any time soon. Thank you for loving me.
too much caffeine

Currently Listening: Loud middle-aged coffee shop barista and some classic rock station.

A couple of seconds ago I stood up to get some more water- and felt dizzy from caffeine coursing through my body.

So I am drugged- in a coffee shop window and wasting precious life searching craigslist postings for telecommuting Graphic Designers/Photoshop experts. I can't decide whether this is better or worse than how I was a few hours ago: lying on my grandparent's sofa feeling lethargic and apathetic.
I don't even know whether the coffee was fair trade or not. (guilt)

Why can I not get paid to be a great person who makes art, visits different communities, learns, and loves everyone around her?
I have recently been informed that this is selfish and unrealistic... so I feel a little bit guilty about it- but honestly- this is what I want. I just want to be Jesce.

I feel like some pitiful little girl having that desire... but some part of me genuinely feels that being myself would be service in and of itself- and I will make and do great things if given the freedom to do so.... But maybe that's all a part of the lie- kind of like the "if I only had money" thing.

Maybe time is no more of a solution than money. Maybe I need to learn to work hard. But I feel like I am selling out by trying to find ways to work hard. I have no answers. This is such a typical thing to complain about-
It is normal to never feel at home in this world. Still, I NEED to vent about it daily.

At least I'm in International Falls... This northern small town with its inadequacy and endearing quirks confirms:
I am NOT at home here.... but I am not alone either. Life is beautiful and worthwhile.

He shall overcome.

Monday, 12 June 2006

I was just on Dexonline trying to find the location of a Naked Juice plant in Minneapolis (so I can dumpster free juice of course... and clicked on this thing to get a map to 2850 S Anthony Ln, in Minnesota... and it gives me this:

Could Not Geocode Your Request. Here's a Map of the United States

NW N NE

W E

SW S SE

hahaha.
"Here's a map of the United States-" that is likely the most useless "help" I've been given in a while. Unless of course there's a whole truckload of free juice next to that blue star in north-central Kansas. "Sigh"

...time to get back to work.

Sunday, 08 May 2005

Currently Playing
Guero
By Beck
see related
wow...
i'm so tired. I just passed up a night of relaxing and sitting in a hot tub for helping friend proof read her Sr. thesis on portraiture in dadaism. I'm just glad it's not my paper.

Sitting around would have been boring anyway.... I got to put together an amazing meal and eat it with her... and i've been wanting to help for a while- so I guess it was really good.

i'm sleepy. time for sleepy for me.
I'll make time for other work tomorrow.
Goodnight (sun).